


Surface Confusions

by theboymichaelshanks_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, F/M, POV First Person, first attempt at SD ER
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-03-30
Updated: 2002-03-30
Packaged: 2019-03-16 13:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13637079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theboymichaelshanks_archivist/pseuds/theboymichaelshanks_archivist
Summary: 'I wanted her, she wanted him.' Warnings: Angst, first attempt at SD ER.  First person - Daniel, Sam and Jack.





	Surface Confusions

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Boy / Michael Shanks](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Boy_Fanfiction_Archive), wand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Boy / Michael Shanks collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/theboymichaelshanks/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Sometimes it's easier to forget about the SJ canon stuff (JUL!) but I wanted to try to address it. Next issue on my list? Sha'uri! Yay! Also, I'm not sure how happy I am with this fic but Beth's holding DYH hostage and I probably wouldn't be able to improve it anyway so here it is! BETH! DYH 10 please! Ascension's on tomorrow, FCOL!

  
Author's notes: Sometimes it's easier to forget about the SJ canon stuff (JUL!) but I wanted to try to address it. Next issue on my list? Sha'uri! Yay! Also, I'm not sure how happy I am with this fic but Beth's holding DYH hostage and I probably wouldn't be able to improve it anyway so here it is! BETH! DYH 10 please! Ascension's on tomorrow, FCOL!  


* * *

Surface Confusions

### Surface Confusions

#### by Tk

Date Archived: 03/30/02  
Website:   
Status: Complete  
Category: Angst  
Characters/Pairings: Col. Jack O'Neill, Dr. Daniel Jackson, Maj. Samantha Carter     Jack/Sam, Daniel/Sam         
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: Beneath the Surface, very minor ones for other eps.  
Permission to archive:   
Series:   
Notes: Sometimes it's easier to forget about the SJ canon stuff (JUL!) but I wanted to try to address it. Next issue on my list? Sha'uri! Yay! Also, I'm not sure how happy I am with this fic but Beth's holding DYH hostage and I probably wouldn't be able to improve it anyway so here it is! BETH! DYH 10 please! Ascension's on tomorrow, FCOL!  
Warnings: Angst, first attempt at SD ER. First person - Daniel, Sam and Jack.  
Disclaimer: I don't make any money period so I'm sure as hell not making any money from this. I'm just borrowing the characters (from a whole list of people: MGM, Gekko Productions, etc.etc. I'm surprised these characters don't have major identity crises!) for a short while and I'll return them as soon as I'm done. Well, except for Daniel. I might ask him to stick around for a while .Like FOREVER! He's leaving! Mwahaha!  
Summary: 'I wanted her, she wanted him.'

* * *

~Daniel~ 

Finally, some peace. After two hours in the infirmary and another hour in a debriefing, a very confusing debriefing, I can finally sit down and try to sort out this mess in my head. 

For the last fortnight, I haven't been Daniel Jackson. I was a person called Carlin; a worker who thought he was helping his people survive an ice-age; a person who couldn't remember his parents, or his family, or friends, or even how he'd gotten where he was. All he - I - knew was how to work in that plant. And Kegan. 

Kegan was the first person I remember meeting. I guess she showed me the ropes - took me under her wing. We became almost inseperable. By day, she was a companion, a friend. At first, that was it. But after I'd been there a few nights Kegan woke me up and asked if she could sleep in my bed. She was really upset, and I didn't think twice. I had no reason to. She said she'd been attacked and it took me ages to stop her shaking. She finally fell asleep in my arms. It...felt good. 

We slept in the same bed for the next four or five nights but we didn't....it didn't feel right. Not in the beginning anyway. It was comforting. Sleeping next to another person, arms wrapped around each other, was comforting. We never talked much; there was just this silent agreement, confirmed with looks and touches. But one night Kegan asked me a question that I didn't know the answer to. 

/ "Carlin, have you ever been in love?" 

"No. At least, I don't think so." / 

At that point I realised I couldn't possibly know. Because I couldn't really remember further back than two weeks or so. It may have been longer - I'd lost track of time. 

I asked Kegan the same question and she replied by leaning up and kissing me. A soft brush of lips followed by an insistent pressure. I froze in surprise and then had a flash of memory - a similar situation with another woman. She was quite short with blonde, curly hair but I couldn't remember her name. Now, in hindsight, I know I was remembering that moment with Ke'ra, but at the time I just got more confused. I realised that doing anything with Kegan then would be a bad idea. 

When she pulled back, I started saying something about how we shouldn't go any further. She stopped me with a finger placed gently on my lips. Despite the darkness I could still see the hurt and acceptance in her eyes. She knew I didn't feel the same. She knew where she stood. We fell asleep again, just like any of the previous nights. 

I dreamt that night, although I couldn't remember what about. What I can remember is waking up and thinking, for those few seconds before I opened my eyes, that the person in my arms was Thera. Something was seriously wrong. 

When Tor, Teal'c, made that outburst at dinner, it was all I could think of. The questions filled my thoughts: Did I belong there? Who was I? Did I know Tor, or Jonah, or Thera? I wanted Tor to be telling the truth, I wanted to believe that there was more to my life than working in that place under a world of ice. And, more than anything, I wanted to know if Thera had ever meant anything to me. 

I tried to concentrate, tried to remember any of them. I dreamt of Jonah and the shimmering pool of water, but I remembered Thera - touching her, holding her, making love to her. I remembered the feel of her body entwined with mine, of drowning in her sweet scent and soft lips, and I had to know. I backed away from Kegan. Jonah and Thera became my friends. 

If I had been honest with myself, I'd have admitted that I'd noticed Thera as soon as I arrived in those mines. She seemed smart, and was strikingly beautiful even when covered in the dirt of the plant. Her eyes seemed to shine like a full moon, and I know that sounds extremely romanticised at best, but that's what I remember thinking. Or I remember Carlin thinking. 

Forget seeing dead Goa'uld, _this_ is what it's like to be schizophrenic. 

As I continued to remember intimate details of Thera - a mole on her back, a small scar on her leg - I wanted to talk to her, to see if she had similar memories. There were times when I wasn't entirely certain that these 'memories' weren't in actual fact fantasies, becoming more frequent as my attraction to Thera grew. The not-knowing was driving me crazy. 

However, I never got the chance to talk to Thera, because everytime I saw her, she was with Jonah. Whether they were working or eating or taking a break. Wherever she was, he was there too. My question got answered though. I knew then that the memories were real, just like the jealousy I felt was real. Jealous of Jonah. 

Which is really bad because now I know who we all are. Jonah is Jack, my best friend and team-leader, and Thera is Sam, my other best friend, team-mate, and lover of two months, although I've loved her for a lot longer. The memories were of our first nights together. Nights when I finally showed Sam how I felt, and thrived in the knowledge that she felt the same. At the moment, I'm not sure whether we'll ever share that again. There's something very wrong about what happened on that planet. 

What I've never felt before is envious of Jack, not where Sam is concerned anyway. Sam and I got on well from the moment we met. There have been a couple of times in the past when I thought that Sam and Jack were closer than the military would generally allow, but Sam always denied it. Except once, when she admitted that she'd considered "more than regs allowed". We didn't discuss it, she just stated it and then moved on with another question. She never mentioned it again after that, and six months later, after I went, involuntarily, hiking across a planet with an Unas, Sam told me she'd considered "more than regs allowed" with me. I did the only thing I'd wanted to do for a year - grab hold of her and never let go. 

I'm not stupid. I knew about Jack and Sam's confessions during the zatarc testing. I knew that Jack had kissed Sam during the time loop and, even though he tried to pass it off as a childish prank, I knew that he really wanted to do it. I knew there were feelings there, but neither of them would break the regs. I even asked Sam once, just after we got together, whether I was a substitute for Jack. She denied it, and convinced me that I was the one she wanted. After all, we were breaking regs too. Not between commanding officer and subordinate, granted, but between team-mates on a military team. Sam wanted me enough to break the rules. It was the truth. I could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice, feel it in her touch. 

I could sense all those signs from her again on P3R-118. Except this time they weren't for me. 

They were for Jack. 

Suddenly, I don't know where any of us stand anymore. 

* * *

~Sam~ 

I wonder where Daniel is. I haven't seen him since debriefing, which was actually only an hour ago. But usually he'd have popped in by now. We'd have checked that each other was alright, sorted out what we were doing tonight, and if the last two months were anything to go by, snatched a kiss or several. 

Never did I imagine locking my lab door to make out with a team mate. To begin with, it's against regulations to date a team mate. And then even if you were breaking that reg, you'd be crazy to do anything on base. I'd like to say it was his fault, but truth is, it's me. He has a way of getting under my barriers, threatening the control I've relied on all my adult life with just a look or a touch. Or one word. When we're alone together he makes me forget about being a Major, forget the Air Force or saving the world. He showed me how to just be; that, beneath the science and the military, I am also a woman. 

I remember the night Daniel and I crossed the line from friends to lovers. It was just after P3X-888, when he had been kidnapped by an Unas. I turned up at his apartment, not really sure why. I couldn't concentrate on work and I had this irrational fear that something was wrong with Daniel despite knowing that he'd been taken home to rest. 

Turns out I actually woke him up, but he didn't mind. He seemed more worried about me, which was when I realised just how much he neglects himself for others. I just took one look at him and fell into his arms, wrapping mine around his neck. Suddenly I was very close to crying. He held me and waited for me to calm down, then he pulled me further into his apartment, apparently determined to find out why I was so upset. I didn't hold out much hope for him - _I_ didn't even know what was wrong. 

I wanted to deflect Daniel from me so I asked him to tell me what had happened on 888. I remember just sitting there and watching him. Sometimes he would speak as if delivering a lecture or a briefing - hand gestures, professional detachment - and then he would gain an edge to his voice and a deeper intensity in his eyes as he spoke of communicating with Chaka, or his fear of 'being dinner'. Daniel doesn't see showing his emotions as a weakness, which it isn't. Not always. But more often than not I can read him like a book. It's when I can't that worries me. 

Daniel's animated explanation only caused the deep feeling of relief that I'd felt when we'd found him safe to resurface. By the time he'd finished I was trembling slightly, staring at the floor and stuck in my mind's replay of the day's events. I could feel Daniel's gaze on me for a few seconds before he spoke again, his voice having dropped to just above a whisper. He brought up a subject we'd talked about a few months earlier. 

/ "Sam? You and Jack..." 

"There is no 'me and Jack'." I looked him straight in the eyes. It suddenly seemed very important to me that Daniel understood that. 

"Maybe not from your point of view, but Jack has feelings for you." He gave me a glance that turned the statement into a question. I still didn't know why he'd brought this up again, but I answered anyway. 

"Maybe. But he also has regulations, as I do. Besides, the Colonel having feelings for me doesn't make a 'me and Jack'." I smiled, trying to lighten the serious mood and end the discussion. Daniel returned the smile momentarily then continued. Sometimes he can't take a hint. 

"Yeah, but you shouldn't let the regs stop you...." 

"The regs are there for reasons. Good reasons. Similar regs would apply to you and me, or Teal'c and me." 

"But you haven't got those types of feelings for Teal'c." He was smiling again. Daniel had developed an amazing ability to tease during the last year, or maybe just perfected it. But this time I wasn't in the mood for teasing. The conversation was heading somewhere I suddenly didn't want to go. 

"No." 

"Or me." He said it so quietly I almost missed it. But he knew I'd heard, because when I tensed but didn't answer him he looked at me, blue eyes wide with surprise. "Sam?" 

"Yes." I admitted it. The way he was looking at me he'd already be able to see it anyway. "I've considered it." 

"Considered what, er, exactly?" The phrase from six months ago just popped into my head. 

"More than regs allowed." I avoided his gaze as we sat in silence for a short while. I was thinking how I'd just ruined the most important friendship I had when he called my name again, his voice now the softest whisper. 

"Sam?" We made eye contact for a split second, just enough for him to know that he had my attention. "When? I mean, if you don't mind telling me." He was nervous. I hadn't seen that for a while. "I'd like to know." I guess I owed him that much. I took a deep breath and tried to remember when I'd first thought of Daniel that way. The answer surprised me a little. 

"The day I met you." He looked away with what I thought was embarrassment, and maybe even disappointment. I briefly wondered why, before my mind filled with memories of Daniel - comments, touches, looks, expressions. Suddenly I was trying to remember a moment when I *didn't* think of Daniel that way. Or at least, a time when it couldn't have been a consideration. 

I took another look at Daniel, who was staring intently at his hands, and got ambushed by emotions I hadn't felt in a long while. Attraction, want, desire. I managed to regain control of my voice. "I'm not finished." Daniel was startled and looked up quickly. I saw it then - the same emotions I was feeling reflected in his eyes, just before he put the guards back up and hid it. I smiled with nerves. We were on the verge of something that could be amazing. I didn't want to think what else it could be. 

"The time when we thought Cassie was dying. The time when you were addicted to the sarcophagus." He dropped his head again. I moved to the sofa beside him and lifted his head with a gentle touch to his chin. "The time you swapped bodies with M'achello and almost died." I was trembling again. My hand was still holding his chin when he took it gently between his hands, his eyes never leaving my face. "During....Ke'ra. When you phase-shifted." I looked up and met his eyes. "Today." I'd barely finished speaking when Daniel leaned across and kissed me. It was no more than a soft caress before he pulled back slightly, still too close to focus on. 

"That's quite a bit of considering." He spoke with a husky whisper that sent a shiver straight through my spine. 

"Have you....." I didn't finish that question. Daniel's second kiss was more insistent than his first and I forgot about asking questions, or thinking. / 

SG1 were on two days stand down after 888. I never left Daniel's apartment. 

* * *

~Jack~ 

Ah yes. Earth. SGC. Shower. Home. Hockey. And absolutely NO underground power plants or memory screw-ups. Yes! Wonder if Teal'c's up for a hockey night. 

"Hey, Teal'c!" 

"O'Neill" Ooops, disturbed his Kel-no-reem. 

"Er, sorry. Was wondering if you wanted to break out of the base for a while. Watch some hockey, drink some beers, y'know." 

"I do not wish to break anything, O'Neill. Nor do I drink alcohol." Oh for cryin' out loud Teal'c! "I am afraid I cannot join you tonight. I am returning to the Land of Light to visit Ry'ac." 

"Oh right." Damnit. "Well, say hello, have fun, and I'll see ya when ya get back." I close the door as Teal'c lowers his head in a small nod. 

"Of that I am certain, O'Neill." What does he mean by that? Do I bother him too much or something? Huh. Wonder what Daniel's doing. Think I'll just head to his office and see if he's got any plans. 

I didn't find Daniel in his office, but I did find him in mine. 

"Hey Daniel." 

"Jo-Jack." Jo-Jack? I try to keep the smile off my face but Daniel's reaction tells me I've failed. "Yes, okay. I don't know why that's stuck." He's muttering to himself. 

"It's alright Daniel, you'll grow out of it." I just can't help myself. That one earns me a full-on glare but it looks like he's actually going to let it slide. Huh. 

" _Anyway_ , I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place tonight. To watch the hockey." Daniel knows there's a game on tonight? And he's inviting me over? Why do I get the feeling there's something wrong with Daniel? "I know this isn't exactly normal behaviour for me, but we haven't done this for a while so I just thought we could....hang out." He's right. We haven't done this for a long while but there's another reason too. He seems a little on edge. Still, not going to turn down a chance to hang out with one of my best friends _and_ watch hockey. 

"Yeah, sure. I'll finish my report, pick up some beer, be at yours by 1900." 

"See you at seven, Jack." He smiles slightly before about-turning and walking out the open door to my office with definite shoulder slump. Danny is not a happy camper, but before I can dwell on that I've just realised that I have about an hour to write that report. Ah crap. 

* * *

"If that report made any sense I won't complain about another mission spent looking at rocks for the next three months." Daniel rolls his eyes. 

"I'll hold you to that, Jack. Although I have to admit, I didn't think you'd get here by seven." He hands me a beer before sitting down on the other two-seater and twisting off the top to his own beer. 

"Couldn't miss the game now, could I?" 

"No, I guess not. What time does it start?" 

"Face off's at 2000." Daniel rolls his eyes again. Wonder how many times I could get him to do that in a night? 

"Did you think in military time back on 118?" Whoa, way to change the subject, Dannyboy. 

"I didn't really think about the time. Daytime you worked, night time you slept and mealtimes were when that big hooter went off." I shrug and glance in Daniel's direction. He's playing with the label on his beer bottle. "Look Daniel, I'm sorry about the fight. I didn't remember you and..." 

"It's okay Jack. You were just standing up for Sam anyway." He's still playing with that damn bottle. 

"Well, Thera actually. I would never try to stand up for Carter. She'd kick my ass." I laugh. Daniel doesn't. He's got a small, almost sad smile on his face though. "Daniel, are you okay?" At last he looks up. 

"Uh, yeah. I was just thinking." And he looks down. "You and Sam got pretty close." He was thinking about that? 

"I guess. We seemed to...." I search for the right word. 

"Gravitate? Be mutually attracted?" What the...? I give an annoyed, non-committal shrug. 

"I was going to say 'get on well'. What are you implying, Daniel?" 

"Nothing. Just that.... you were almost, er, inseparable. I guess I'm just curious about whether, without the regs there to stop you, anything happened" He makes a face like he knows how that sounded - damn rude - but he still adds quietly, "between you." 

"And I'm just curious to know why you think it's any of your business what happened between me and Carter on that planet." I'm trying to stay calm but he's crossed the line. What I want to know is - why? 

Daniel sits forward in his chair and takes a long drink from his previously untouched beer before putting the beer down on the table in front of him and clasping his hands together. He turns to me and takes a deep breath, and I just know I'm not going to like what he's about to say. 

"Jack, Sam and I have been a couple for two months." 

Betrayal and anger were the only things I knew after I heard this. I got up and started walking towards the door when his hand on my arm stopped me. 

"Jack, walking out now isn't going to help anything. We need to talk." 

"What's there to talk about? Let me go." I'm not angry at him -just...angry. I need to be alone. I try to walk away again but he just tightens his hold, requesting that I stay. 

"Well, for starters, what happened on 118. And how you really feel about Sam." 

"What's that got to do with anything?" I'm almost yelling by the time I finish that question. 

"I need to know how you feel, Jack, and Sam does too. For all our sakes." I can't stand next to him and have this conversation. I turn around and walk to the other side of the room, picking up my beer along the way. I drink and pace for a while, Daniel seemingly watching my every move. "Jack?" I turn towards him, hands grasping the back of the armchair in front of me. 

"You really want to know, Daniel? I _like_ Sam. A heck of a lot." 

"Just like?" No-o. I think.... I love her. 

"It doesn't matter what I call it! Nothing could ever happen. Especially now. She's chosen you." And that's what it comes down to. She chose Daniel over me. She decided that Daniel was worth the risk and I wasn't. 

"Has she Jack? Maybe she consciously chose me but her heart still wants you." What is he.... 

"What are you on about?" 

"Back on that planet, when we couldn't remember who we really were, I wanted Sam. By the time we woke up in that plant this morning, she was all I could think about. I wanted her as much as I _ever_ have." Sam is standing in the entrance to the room and we make eye contact for a couple of seconds, before Daniel speaks again and we both shift our eyes to him. "But she wanted," Daniel pauses and turns towards Sam, not seeming surprised that she's there. He licks his lips unconsciously and then turns back to make direct eye contact with me. ".... you." 

I couldn't stand the look in his eyes. It wasn't accusation, or anger. It was hurt and resignation. He thinks he's lost her, I'm not so sure. I look at my hands on the chair and notice that I dropped the near-empty beer bottle at some point. Everything's so screwed. 

* * *

Daniel knew Sam was there. Despite it being written all over Jack's face, Daniel knew anyway. He was relieved in a way. Now, at least, they could sort this out. 

'This' being one of his worst nightmares. 

He loved Sam and he knew that Sam loved him. He also knew that Sam and Jack loved each other and he could live with that, as long as Sam was happy with him and not just settling because Jack was unattainable to her. 

From their last mission, Daniel got the impression that Sam was just settling for him. 

"Daniel, why do you think I wanted Jack?" Sam sounded genuinely puzzled. 

"Because I know you Sam. There were looks, glances, touches..." 

"I wasn't aware you were watching us so closely, Daniel." Jack was a little annoyed at the thought of being under observation. 

"I wasn't really." Daniel replied, completely ignoring the slight hostility from Jack. "It was obvious." 

"Daniel, I didn't even know who I was! Or the Colonel was! Or you were! We weren't us on that planet." 

"You're right, Sam. We were just three people with no titles or ranks, rules or regulations. In some ways, we were more free there than we are here on Earth." 

"Daniel, we were slaves!" Daniel couldn't miss the incredulity in Jack's voice that time. 

"But we didn't know that! Look, the point is, in an environment where there were no regulations, you were free to act on your feelings, which you did." 

Sam's eyes widened. Daniel was right. Well, partly. The regs weren't there on that planet and the Colonel had been around her like a bee around honey. 

But it wasn't the same for her. 

If Sam was honest, she'd felt off-balance on 118. She'd known a lot of engineering work but didn't remember learning it; she'd given up too easily when challenged; she'd had vague recollections of Jonah and Tor and Carlin, though again, from where she didn't know. She'd felt insecure and Jonah had lessened that feeling. Later on, Carlin had too, but he hadn't been around at the beginning. He'd been with... Kegan. 

Sam had forgotten about Kegan. She didn't want to deal with that right now though. Firstly she needed to talk to Jack. 

Jack, who was getting a little irritated with Daniel. Best friends, one woman. Bad situation. 

"We didn't act on anything!" 

"Jack, hold on." Jack stopped at Sam's request, surprised with the use of his first name. "Daniel, could I talk to Jack a minute please?" Sam couldn't help thinking it was a little rude asking Daniel to leave his own lounge. "Actually, we could go outside." 

"No, it's okay. I'll..." Daniel pointed at the doors which led to the balcony and then walked towards them, giving Jack a neutral look as he passed him. Sam waited for Daniel to slide the doors shut after him then started to pace behind the sofa. 

"Sam?" She cringed at the sound of her own name now. She really didn't want to admit what she was about to. 

"Jack, we need to be honest with each other. For our sakes, and for Daniel's." This time Jack cringed, but he still sat down in the armchair. "Okay," he said, a little wearily. The anger he'd shown earlier had disappeared. There was no need for it, and it wasn't going to help. 

"I need you to let me speak. Without interruptions." 

"Okay," he agreed. Sam took a deep breath. 

"Back on 118, I was working on auto-pilot. I was fixing that plant and not knowing where I'd gotten the knowledge from. I sometimes thought I knew people - you, Tor, Carlin amongst them. I was a little off-balance, a little scared. I felt vulnerable." She looked down in what Jack thought was shame. He was right. She was a Major in the USAF. Fear and vulnerability weren't emotions she felt too often, especially on a mission. 

"Sam, that's understandable." Sam looked up at him and he stopped again. / No interruptions. Right. / 

"When you started talking to me, standing up for me, supporting me, I felt safer. You made me feel safe. That's why I.." Sam trailed off, hoping that wouldn't have to say it. She looked at Jack, pleading with her eyes for him to understand. After a moment, he took a deep breath. 

"Oh! Oh, right." Jack sat back in the chair in a carefully controlled reaction. 

"Jack, I didn't mean to use you.." 

"Sam, it's okay." But Sam wasn't listening. 

"...and if I had known who you really were and that the feelings were..." 

"Carter!" Jack didn't shout but he made sure he got her attention. "It's okay. Really. You did what you needed to, to survive. To make it home." Sam nodded. 

"I'm sorry." 

"I know, but there's no need to be. You did what you had to do. And where's the harm? No-one got hurt right?!" Jack's leant forward again with a slight smile on his face, trying to lighten the moment. Sam raised her eyebrows as she agreed but her CO knew there was a 'but' coming. 

"No, but there's something else we need to discuss." Jack knew what she was on about. 

"Do we have to Carter? I thought we were leaving it back there." The Colonel waved his hand dismissively. 

"So did I. But with all due respect sir, can you do that?" Neither noticed that they'd slipped back into military-mode. "Daniel was right, sir. The regs weren't there and we drifted together. I gave you my reasons, sir, and I think I know yours. I need to know we can get through this, especially with..." She gestured towards the balcony with a nod of her head. Jack followed the gesture then dropped his head, smiling. 

"So, you really like the Spacemonkey, eh?" When he lifted his head, he was still smiling. Sam actually blushed. 

"I love him, sir." Then she realised what she'd said. "Sir, it won't interfere with our work, and if it does.." 

"RELAX Sam! I haven't noticed any differences in the last two months. Officially, as far as I know, you two are just good friends. Just keep doing what you're doing. I do think you should tell Teal'c though. We are a team after all." 

"Of course, sir." 

"And if there's any chance that you're cover may be blown then go straight to General Hammond." 

"Yes sir." 

"And Sam? Be happy." A huge smile broke out over Sam's face momentarily before disappearing just as quickly. 

"And you, Jack. Will you be okay?" 

"You're starting to sound like him, y'know! I'll be fine." Sam raised her eyebrows in a 'so are you' gesture before they both laughed softly. "Okay, yes, what can I say? He rubs off on ya!" They broke out in more laughter until Jack got up suddenly. "Well, I think I'd better go." 

"Daniel might want to talk to you in a minute." Or more like an hour. Sam was only halfway through her night of angst-filled conversations. 

"He's got my phone number. Anyway, I think you two might still have a lot to talk about." Jack gave her a small, sympathetic smile. Sam just nodded. "And it won't be easy. When that kid gets an idea in his head..." Jack trailed off and shook his head before smiling at his 2IC again as she stared at the balcony doors anxiously. "...but he loves you Sam." 

"You think so?" She didn't change her gaze. 

"Oh yeah. Actually don't know how I missed it. Should go and repeat that Special Ops training." He didn't expect her to respond to his lame joke. 

"Nah. It's just old age." She turned to look at him and saw his serious face. "Sir." / Ooops. / 

"Night Carter." The colonel walked off along the corridor towards the door. 

"Sir." She was worried she'd offended him for a minute, until she heard him muttering on his way out, just loud enough for her to hear. 

"Old? BRA'TAC's old. I'm... mature. Yeah. Ssssss. Damn knees..." 

Sam smiled and then turned back to the balcony doors. She walked up to them and took a deep breath. Could she and Daniel survive this? 

She opened the doors and joined Daniel on the balcony. 

* * *

Daniel waited patiently on the balcony. He looked up at the stars, down over the lamp-lit car park and out over the skyline of Colorado Springs. He had no idea what Sam and Jack were talking about in his lounge. All he knew was that whatever they decided, it could be the end of his and Sam's relationship. 

Daniel gripped the railing on top of the balcony wall. He couldn't stand this. They'd been talking for what seemed like ages, but in reality had only been ten minutes or so. They were so quiet, he hadn't heard a word. 

He paced the length of the balcony - all of six steps - trying to walk off some of the tension. He couldn't believe the situation they were in this time. Sure, they'd been trapped on Goa'uld ships, attacked by particle accelerators, and Goa'uld-killing slugs, and mechanical spiders, and countless other possible-end-of-world scenarios, but falling in love with the same woman as your best friend? Surely that was too normal for them. Too suburban-love-triangle: the housewife, the husband and the business partner. Too Jerry Springer-esque. 

What was his mind on about? 

He imagined the next time he'd see Sam, she'd be telling him that they were finished. Her soft lips would be quivering slightly, there may even be a tear in her eye. What would he say? What could he say? It was an impossible situation. 

He couldn't blame Jack either. Jack was his best friend. Daniel knew Jack's feelings going into this. He knew Sam's too. It was a risk, but ultimately Sam had made a choice and Daniel respected that. Life was all too short. Sam chose him, gave him the chance to be with her, and he took it. He never imagined he could lose Sam so soon, or that it could hurt so much, but ultimately, he'd be happy for Sam and Jack. They were both still his best friends, along with Teal'c. His family. So he'd congratulate them, support them. And shed the tears in private. 

Like now. 

The doors slid open behind Daniel and he quickly swiped at the tears that had silently escaped from his eyes. Sam heard Daniel catch his breath slightly and took the movements for what they were. It wasn't the start she was hoping for. 

"Daniel?" 

"Hey." He smiled, trying to be upbeat. 

"Are you okay?" Sam stepped towards him, raising her hand to wipe some missed tear-tracks from his cheek. Her movement faltered slightly, hesitant about whether he'd want her to continue, but sensing no resistance, she gently wiped her thumb across his cheekbone. Daniel paused, Sam's hand resting on his cheek for a moment before walking away to the other, darker end of the balcony. 

"Yeah, thanks. Uh, you?" He turned and leant against the end wall of the balcony, his face hidden by darkness. Sam nodded in response. 

"Jack's gone home." Daniel raised his eyebrows in surprise but Sam couldn't see it. She continued anyway. "We sorted some stuff out, and there are some things I need to tell you." Not being able to see Daniel's face really got to Sam. She needed to see his face, to see his expressions. "Daniel, could you come into the light please? I can't see you over there!" 

"Sorry." Daniel walked forward into the light shining through the glass doors from the lounge, his face clear of tears now. Sam smiled slightly then sighed. 

"Daniel, I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the Colonel." They shared nods of understanding. "Okay. You said that because there were no regs on 118 that the Colonel and I acted on our feelings. You were half right. The Colonel did do that, because he had no reason not to. He was attracted to me and so, naturally tried to build a relationship with me." 

Daniel listened quietly, absorbing what Sam was saying. 

"It wasn't the same for me, Daniel. The reason I clung to Jack back there was because I was scared, and alone. I felt vulnerable." Sam's voice was full of self-disgust and despite not being able to see her, Daniel could hear she was on the verge of tears. He reached out and hugged her without even thinking about it. 

"Shhh, Sam. There's nothing wrong with that. I felt it too." One hand went around her waist, the other stroked through her hair. "I felt it too," he whispered. Sam finally cracked. Tears fell from her eyes and onto Daniel's shoulder, her hands clutched at his shirt by the small of his back. 

They stood there for a while, sharing comfort and body heat as the temperature dropped. When Sam felt that she could continue without crying again, she pulled back from Daniel, wrapping her arms around herself instead - something else she'd picked up from him. He did the same, although whether it was his usual self-defensive mode or him just trying to keep warm, she wasn't quite sure. 

"That was all it was, Daniel. The only reason I was always with Jack was out of my own fear. He made me feel safe, just as you did later on. I needed someone to lean on." 

Daniel knew how hard it was for her to admit that. Sam didn't lean on anyone. She was self-sufficient in every respect, just like he was. Or used to be. Along with the ability to travel to other planets in seconds came tragedy, grief and pain. And dependency. SG1 were a team who not only worked well together but who also actually got on with each other. They'd bonded deeply, and they _were_ dependent on each other. Together, they thrived; apart, they merely coped. Sam had been coping. So had Daniel. 

"So did I. Sam, we can't always be able to cope on our own. I did the same. I leaned on someone for support and companionship, and comfort." 

"Kegan." Sam's tone was carefully neutral. Daniel nodded then cleared his throat. 

"She was the first person I got to know there. She showed me around, kept me out of trouble. She was a friend. One night she woke me up, scared and shivering. She'd been attacked and that night, she slept in my bed. Just slept. It was comfort, nothing else. I woke up thinking that she was you." 

"Daniel, I have short, blonde hair. Kegan's was long and black." 

"Hey, you know what I'm like in the morning!" They shared a laugh, breaking the almost unbearable tension. Vapour pouring from their mouths in the cold air. "Let's go inside, in the warm." Sam nodded her agreement and they moved back to the lounge. 

Sam busied herself with the fire whilst Daniel made coffee. The break was welcomed by both, but Daniel wasn't finished. 

"Sam, there's no shame in needing someone. None. Kegan and I shared my bed right up until we stopped the section from blowing up, just as friends." Daniel wanted Sam to know the truth and she understood that. "It's the same thing. I just wish I'd seen it sooner. Tonight would never have happened." 

"Tonight needed to happen, Daniel. We needed to know where we all stood." 

"Where do we all stand?" Daniel was a little weary. Right now they were quite relaxed, sitting either end of the sofa with their feet on the coffee table. He still didn't know if Sam was going to turn around and tell him it was over. 

"Well, that kinda depends. Jack still has feelings for me and if I'm totally honest, I still have some feelings for him." Daniel dropped his head. And then quickly raised it again at Sam's next word. "But, it's nothing compared to what I feel for you." 

Daniel nodded his head, processing Sam's words, then licked his lips nervously. 

"Sam, I love you." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I love you and nothing will change that. I don't want to hurt Jack, but if you want to be with me, I can't walk away from that, and I won't." The words had a strange, ironic twist - they were similar to the statement he'd made when Jack had the Ancient's legacy downloaded into his head. 

Sam's smile lit up her face. She moved towards Daniel on the sofa as he removed his legs from the coffee table. She cupped his face in one hand gently and his eyes fluttered shut momentarily. As soon as they reopened, Sam spoke. 

"I love you, too." She kissed him gently then hugged him as completely as possible. "I won't walk away either." She pulled back from the hug to kneel on the sofa with Daniel turned towards her. 

"What about Jack? Is he okay?" 

"He's fine. He said that we should keep doing what we're doing and if we're in danger of being revealed, to go to General Hammond first. Oh and we should tell Teal'c. Team.." 

"..mates, yeah. I wish he'd stayed. I want to talk to him. Check he's really okay with this. Not that..it's just..." 

"Daniel!" Sam laughed at Daniel's attempt to backtrack. "I'm not insulted - you read people better than me. It's one of your many gifts. And he said you knew his phone number." 

"Of course!" Daniel got up and headed to the phone, Sam following behind. As he dialled the number, she wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and kissed the back of his neck. She leant up to whisper in his ear. 

"I'll be in bed." He finished dialling and placed his hand over her entwined ones on his stomach. With a final kiss to his neck, Sam reluctantly pulled away and headed to the bedroom she already knew so well. 

Daniel followed minutes later. 

* * *

Jack had been driving around for over an hour, trying to clear his thoughts. He loved Sam but he had to get over it now. He should have done that months ago, and actually believed he had, but apparently that wasn't true. He had no choice now. Sam loved Daniel, and Daniel loved Sam, and there was nothing Jack could do about that. He didn't even want to do anything about it. Daniel could make Sam happy, and Jack knew Daniel would never hurt Sam. She was bound to find someone one day, and Jack couldn't imagine anyone better than Daniel. He remembered the first time they met - you could actually see the sparks, even though he was married! 

Jack walked through his front door wondering if he really could stand by and watch Daniel and Sam as their relationship developed. He hit his beeping answer machine automatically. 

"Jack? It's Daniel. I just wanted to say, er, that I'm sorry about tonight, and how things have turned out.  <sigh You're my best friend and I never wanted you to get hurt. But I love her. I love her more than anything Jack, and I hope, I hope we can all get past this. As team mates, and friends. Family. Hope you're okay. See you soon." 

Jack smiled. That was how he would survive the next few months. With the help of his team mates and friends, both of which included Sam and Daniel. They were family. 

~End~ 

* * *

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Unofficial Michael Shanks  
http:/www.michaelshanks.f2s.com   
  


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